Eruch Jessawalla - The Aspirant

 

Link to Transcript

 

I think this starts in the midst of a humorous aside by Eruch concerning the antics of persons affected by the ecstatic condition described as "haal." Eruch is speaking throughout, except as noted... No quotation marks for Eruch.

This talk was recorded on the day after Silence Day -- July 11, 1981.

You know the story about Aloba, our Aloba? He is from the Prem Ashram. Some beautiful thing has happened. Aloba used to experience haal. You don't do it on purpose, you don't know what you are doing, but you get so overwhelmed with some feelings that overpower you, and you throw yourself, you break your head, though nothing happens to your body.

Haal (ecstatic condition often experienced by Aloba) is different from Hawa (the spiritual breeze). It takes place because of certain environmental situations, you see -- the atmospheric circumstances. Don't you all [speaking to an audience of Westerners] have that experience sometimes, something deep down inside yourself is warmed up, so to speak. There's nothing new in it, nothing wrong in it, but all that is needed is to control yourself and get the benefit of it. When we cannot control it, tears may come down your cheeks, and people are sometimes embarrassed at this. Women weep at this time, and also men. There's nothing wrong in it. It's like blocks of ice on our hearts start melting in the warmth of the sun. It is a good sign, but don't try to induce weeping, because it comes in its own way.

So what happened is this. Everyone here who knows Aloba knows that whenever Qawwali programs are sung, the words are there. They always express a complaint from the lover to the Beloved, connected with the Beloved's response. It's a happy exchange. Baba loved Qawwali programs and he loved being taunted by these singers, in the lines of, "You are supposed to be the Ocean of Love, and we ask you just for a little teaspoon of that love and you are a miser. You don't even give a drop..." It goes on and on. Back and forth singing goes on. I'm just giving you an example of it. Many sublime things are said.

Invariably Aloba used to get uncontrollable. He would shout out loudly, run to Baba, kiss Baba, tear his shirt, the whole day would be spoiled, and Baba would say, "I can't even enjoy this little
Programme," and all that. Whenever such a programme would be held, Baba would warn Aloba, Aloba would be made to sit far away.

One day a very good Qawwal was to be called, and this happened at Meherabad where the study hall is now. The whole hall was full of people whom Baba had invited. A very famous troupe of Qawwals had come, we had heard of them, and they had offered the perform before Baba. They had good quality of wording that they had gathered from great saints and saviours, you see, put them into songs and sang out. Baba looked forward to it. Baba always liked to share the joy, the atmosphere.

But, Baba said, we have to figure out how to control this man [Aloba]. Otherwise the whole thing will be spoiled. Baba looked at one person named Pesi. He was the son-in-law of Baidul, and a giant of a man. Pesi is Dr. Freiny Foreman's relative. "Pesi," Baba said, calling him, "Would you do one thing for me, for my sake?"

"Of course Baba, I would do anything for you."

"Sit there at the very end of the hall, catch hold of Aloba and keep him there. Whenever he tries to move forward toward me, just stop him from doing that."

"Yeah, I'll do that. What is there in that?"

Baba was very happy, "Fine, do that."

On the day the whole hall is filled with people. It takes about an hour and a half for them to warm up, and goes on forever and forever. So now, after they had warmed up, the whole thing gets into a swing, the atmosphere is beautiful, the Lord himself is there, he is rocking to [the beat of] the music. Every now and then Aloba wants to move, and that fellow is restraining him, so all is fine.

Two and a half hours pass by, and all of a sudden this giant loses control of himself! Roles reverse and Aloba is trying to restrain Pesi! Baba enjoyed that, too, with the characters changing. Pesi wanted to rush to Baba and Aloba is being dragged along. The controller had become uncontrollable.

Mind you [in response to a question] this is not Hawa. Hawa is a spiritual breeze.

[Reminiscing about other occasions, Eruch recalls that Aloba got so out of control that he inadvertently broke Baba's little finger while embracing him. Baba tried to catch Aloba while Aloba was falling and that resulted in Baba's injury. Even now, when Aloba went to Hamirpur he was rolling in the dirt, Alan C. reports. Eruch reminds the assembled that Baba wants us to control ourselves.]

Baba says, "My grace is always there for you all, unasked. But before you all crave for it, you need to need it. How will you go to the river and get the water? You need a container, otherwise it is wasted." [in response to a question Eruch says that if the river comes to you, you must be like a rock so you are not washed away -- not like a pebble.]

 

In response to a question about the nature of early days, when Baba was fiery, Eruch points out that he wasn't there, but can only tell from others' accounts of it.]

Very fiery and very strong -- that's what those who were there say. For him just to lift you by the scruff of the neck was nothing. Those earlier people were not as refined as we are, you see. [Eruch amuses himself, and the audience laughs appreciatively.] Gradually jamali and then balanced -- it is there. Year after year there is a gradual change. There have been people who say, well, one picture doesn't resemble the other.

He's like a mirror. Whatever you see mirrors your own moods.

[A photo is shown to Eruch from Nasik in 1937, touched up because it's a single cine frame, and thus not of good quality.]

[A questioner refers to material he read about Baba stopping and seeking out two Native Americans in Albuquerque (Lord Meher Online p. 1656 and Love Alone Prevails, p.134 citing Chanji's diaries), one of whom, Baba explained to Ruano, was Baba's agent. After pointing out that he hadn't read anything about it, Eruch continued:]

Baba didn't encourage the mandali to read anything about His advent, the histories. Really speaking, there was no time for it. [A question is now asked by Ed, whether "The version we get of Baba through books is quite different from the experience of the mandali(?)" It is difficult to determine whether the question is asked to call into existence some discredit of the books or to elicit whether perhaps the experience of being Baba's mandali is simply not expressible through words, or their experience was somehow different from other lovers' experience. Eruch answers:]

The thing is I haven't read any of the books. Baba dictated God Speaks [to me] and I was a scribe for it, but there was no opportunity to sit down and enjoy it. We hear about the books from you...

There's a fine story that comes to us about containing his Grace. Of course there is nothing to do with Baba, but [telling a relevant spiritual story not specifically about Baba is the same idea as] the songs you have that can be sung to Baba even though they weren't written about Baba.

A certain young man had a tremendous urge to dedicate his life, to go in search of a perfect master. He felt that by doing so, naturally, the end result would be that he would be doing good for the world as well as the community. He would be able to gain some powers and he would be able to do good by using those powers. So he searched for a perfect one, and at last he came to a certain place, a town, and he heard that so and so is a master here. He goes to him and sits there. Somehow in his heart of hearts he felt that this was the right place, though he had been to many other places in his search. After a time the master orders all to disperse for the day. After a month or a month and a half, the master has still not inquired who he is and what he is there for. Has the master even noticed me?

So eventually he crawls to the master, and tells that he has been there for the past two and a half months. Master says he is happy to see him, though the master has not even noticed him up to that time.

After six months has passed by and still the lad has gotten no recognition by the master. A second time he goes to the master, he holds the master's feet, and the master still fails to recognize him. "I want your grace."

 "Why didn't you speak up? No I must put you to the test, to see if you can contain my grace."

"I'm prepared for anything. I want to dedicate my life at your feet, to be with you,, to live with you. I have been wandering all these years..."

"I am happy," responds the master. "Do one thing. When you come tomorrow, remind me about it."

 But the boy feels what kind of a master can this be? He should be knowing everything. Still the boy comes the next day and reminds the master as he was ordered to do.

 "OK, says the master, "but that is quite a big thing, to ask for grace. Come tomorrow morning early before the others, and I will test you."

Early the next morning, the boy comes and the master, after apparently failing once more to recognize him, says, "Do one thing for the test to earn my grace. You know where the city gate is? [Eruch digresses to point out that in the early days cities were walled, enclosed and there were gates permitting departures and arrivals to/from various directions.] Go to the northern gate and be there until the time the gates are closed this evening. Anything noticeable just come and report to me in the evening. All the happenings, or whatever you feel like reporting."

He goes, all enthusiasm, and sees nothing out of the ordinary. Humdrum daily life, and nothing of any interest. What to report? Donkeys come into and out of the gates, men and women likewise, and there is nothing that seems worthy of notice. In due course, the day is over.

At the close of the day, he sees the warden, who comes from the distance to lock the gates. Just as the warden is pulling the huge gates to the fully closed position, the boy observes an old man, outside the gates, arriving, trying to enter. The old man is bent over, with a pile of fuel wood on his back, and the warden is locking. "Please don't lock the gates," says the old man.  "I have just come, and I will enter immediately."

The warden abuses him, "Why did you arrive so late? Don't you know we close the gates now?

 The old man says to the warden, "Please let me in, I was just searching for wood to keep me warm, and if you don't open up the gates, wild beasts will eat me." The old man goes on pleading. Meanwhile the aspirant is noticing the drama taking place. The aspirant is thinking to himself, "Why can't the warden help the old man out? After all, there are difficulties for such an old man, (and so forth.)" Meanwhile, as the aspirant is having those thoughts, the warden is abusing the old man. At last, the warden opens the lock, unwinds the chain, and reaches through the small opening in the gate and grasps the wood, taking that into the city but shutting the man out. "Get out from here. I have just unburdened you of your burden," says the warden as he walks away and leaves the old man to perish.

The aspirant is now quite angry at the heartlessness of the treatment. Various thoughts go through his mind, "Such men in the world, with no pity for an old man like that -- had I the grace of the master, I could have blasted the gate and overturned the tragedy that has occurred."

In this state of mind, the aspirant comes to the presence of the master, as ordered. The master asks, and the aspirant explains about the humdrum part of the story, that every hour saw nothing but routine transit -- animals and people.

"Nothing to report?" asks the master.
"Yes there was one thing that happened just as the gates were being closed..." and the aspirant presents the story of the events at the closing of the gate.

"And..?" says the master."

"Master, if I had had your grace I could have done wonders -- broken the locks broken the chains and made the whole thing turn out in favor of the old man.

 "You have failed in the test."

 "Why? What happened? How could I have failed in the test? What did I do?"

"It is because of the grace of the old man that I am what I am. He is my master. You have yet to learn how to contain the grace. The old man could not only have opened the gates, but he could have blown a whiff of his breath on the warden and killed him. His grace is what has made me. You need to contain the grace. Just a little flare-up and you started to imagine destroying the world to put it all right?

"Try to learn, my boy, to mold the container to contain the grace."

 We are always asking him to help us out, use his grace for us, but then we should try to learn to contain it.

[This story is so profound that the gathering turns to trivia. Someone asks Eruch if Baba's eyesight was good, and Eruch asserts that it was. A play on words ensues about him hiding from us but we are unable to hide from him. Eruch points out that we have our imperfections to give to him.

[There is a break in the tape and the afternoon session starts.]

 Eruch: Dead man tells no tales, but here we have been hearing two such tales! [One of the tales was apparently the Nan Umrigar story of her dead son communicating to her via the Ouija board or automatic writing, things that Baba told us not to dabble in. And yet, the outcome of this occult thing was to bring the whole family to Baba [plus many, many in their community.]

What I wanted you all to know is that Baba tells us, "I want you to do things that I tell you to do, but I do not want you to do as I do." He may be using the dead for some purpose, but he doesn't want us to dabble with the dead. I wanted that message to reach certain people who were in the hall today.

[A question is asked about general participation by Baba lovers in silence on silence Day.]

Baba wanted us to observe silence, especially in the later years. In the early years, the silence Day would pass off un-noticed, because we were so busy, touring.

But in the later years, he created a circular requesting his lovers to observe silence, telling people either to fast on that day or observe silence.

Then in the late 1960s he passed the message to observe silence, for all of us who would obey him. The mandali also observed silence.

One silence day we observed silence, and He told us that this was the worst day of the year for Him because, though He was so eloquent with His gestures, we were so crude in our attempting to communicate with gestures. Naturally we tried to emulate his gestures, but he didn't like that. We were so crude, but he was so eloquent. I still have the experience that my fingers are more stubs than fingers, compared the eloquence of his gestures. Because of the difficulties, in later years Baba ordered me to speak out, and not to observe silence on that day. Instead, when I was in his presence I should speak, but should keep silence when he was not present.

[A question comes in and Eruch extends to the extent of this:]

Our silence is to honor His burden of his silence. As a practical matter, it is customary not to do so much on that day.]

[Circa 1980, there was a many-player volleyball game most afternoons played in the dirt outside the Meher Pilgrim Center. It ordinarily used to incorporate quite a lot of shouting, and Eruch jokes about how hard it is to keep silence while playing that game. Ed, who was playing, admitted that an occasional curse slipped out.]

Eruch explains that he had to keep a month-long silence [dates Eruch doesn't remember but someone says in early 60s] and still do all his work and all that.

[A woman says that this morning (July 11) on Mehera's porch all those present admitted that they were unable to keep the silence without any slips. One person tells story about Rano in Myrtle Beach during silence day when the phone rang, at Kitty's, and finally she got up and said, "Doesn't anybody ever answer the phone around here?"

Kitty said, "Yes, but it's silence day."]

Eruch says he uses a slip of paper. However , a funny thing, emergencies sometimes arise on Silence Day. Someone will bring the news of the emergency, but even if he isn't a Baba lover,  the conveyer of the news typically blurts out the message. Then we process it among ourselves in silence, gestures and so forth, but that sometimes the messenger becomes silent -- it's contagious, or a spell is cast.

Just imagine Baba's silence, and he wasn't silent, but was totally active, whereas we have passive silence on that day.

[Jamie offers that the silence must have been most difficult during suffering and Eruch says Baba kept silence through the last 15 minutes of his final dropping the body -- "I know that.".]

It's not just the fingers, when I say His silence was very eloquent. The whole thing was in motion, the eyebrows, face, hands, expressions, the whole body. I don't know how to get the right expression to go with the gestures. So vivid they were!

When Bhau came for the first time, a couple of years passed by and then Baba took him out with us for a mast trip. We stopped for a cup of tea. I parked the car at a tea stall on some mountainside, under the shade of a tree, and went out to clean the cup for Baba, and then check to see that the tea water was clean and the pot was clean. They are very dirty people, you see.

Bhau was there near the door of the tea stall, and I gave the cup to him to give to Baba. Baba took the cup from Bhau and poured the tea into the saucer. Baba would never drink from the cup.

[Notes: This is the end of recording XML Content]

Aloba has haal sometimes and goes a bit crazy. Men and women weep when they
melt. Story of the qawwali program and Aloba, to be restrained by Pesi, Baidul's
son-in-law a relative of Freiny Forman, giant of a man, told to restrain Aloba
at a qawwali program, only to fall under the spell of the singing himself.
Baba's joke.

Aspirant who comes to the master for months, and the master does not recognize
him. Finally master elects to test the aspirant. Sends the aspirant to the city
gate the northern gate, be there till the time the gate closes this evening.
Come and report to me in the evening all the happenings that you feel like
reporting.

Aspirant sees ordinary events for the whole day. Humdrum life, until the last
minute when the gate is to be closed. As the warden comes to close the gates, an
old man comes out of the forest shouting that the gates should stay open so he
can come through with the wood on his back. "Please don't close the gates" but
the warden closes them anyway. Old man pleads and the aspirant pleads inwardly
on the behalf of the old man. At last the warden opens the gate, grabs the wood
the old man is holding, and drives the man away without even his wood. The
aspirant is so infuriated at such behavior and thinks that if he had the siddhis
of the master, he would not permit such injustice. "Could not that man open the
gate and let the man inside?"

Aspirant reports the incident to the master. Master says the aspirant has failed
the test, but won't tell him why. Master now reports that it is the grace of the
old man that the master is a master. The old man is the master of the master.
"You have yet to know how to contain the grace." The old man had all power, and
could have changed the situation had he chosen to. "Try to learn to mold the
container to contain the grace.

We have to give our imperfections to Him, Eruch says, in response to someone who
says we have nothing to give Him.

Baba wanted us to observe silence on silence day in the later years. Discussion
on this topic.

Baba tells them that the worst day for Him is the day on which the mandali keep
silence. He didn't like the mandali emulating His gestures, because Eruch says
their gestures were so crude compared to His gestures. Baba permitted Eruch to
speak out His gestures on silence day in later years, telling him to stop
talking whenever Eruch was not in His presence. Silence means silence, Eruch
says but it is an offering from us, and not to worry if we make mistakes on that
day.

Eruch kids Ed Flanagan about not observing silence while playing volleyball on
silence day. Some time in the 1950s, some Indian persons remembered, they all
were told by Baba to keep silence for a month. One Indian says he was told to
keep silence for 21 days. His wife helped him do it, but the man remembers that
he failed twice.

Sometimes an emergency happens and someone from outside comes to tell about it, and
they have noticed that a sort of spell is cast over these other people and they
become silent. Goher's father used to keep a kind of silence in which he wouldn't
move his lips but he would make sound [I think that's what Eruch said].

Baba's whole expression system was more expressive than ours. Gestures were so vivid.
Bhau came for the first time, a couple of years passed by, they went for a mast tour
Baba said we should stop for tea, and they stopped at a tea stall, and they stopped
the car under the shade of a tree, and Eruch went in to wash the cup and saucer, and
to see if the boiler was clean and what water they were using, and so Eruch prepared
the tea. Baba was seated in the car with His legs dangling, and  Baba poured the tea
into the saucer (he would never drink from the cup)... tape ends            

Raw As Is Original Unedited Transcript

[00:00:00] But all that we have to do is to just tell them to contain take it easy get them switch to eat and divert their attention. You see, you know, the story of all Obama and others about this are all over Z here from promotional the but after a long after pre mushroom thing is something beautiful thing has happened you see Alibi is to get all the sort of things means is known as the hall you don't you don't do it with a purpose. You don't know what you are doing, but you get so much.

[00:00:43] You get shorter, then some certain feelings that or power that you just throw yourself. You don't know you break your head or if nothing happens to your body do nothing happens to your body here this how is this Hawa Mahal Hal Hal Hal ha ha ha ha. So what happened is this that usually does take place because of certain environment to certain situation. You see the atmosphere that is where the generates Key Stage the top that goes on don't you all have that experience? Sometimes you feel something inside, you know? Yeah. That's yeah something deep down your cockles, you know, they are warmed up is he seems so it happens like that. There's nothing nothing new in it. Nothing wrong in it. But what was all that is here? It is to control yourself. So we derive the most benefit out of it. Yeah.

[00:01:39] So but what happens is but there are certain the all have that those feelings and when we cannot control it tears come down there. Yeah, the stick down the cheeks it is but natural and there are many people who feel embarrassed about their tears being shown in presence of an elderly people weeping like that. It's not just women a girl's week but maybe deep and all that. So there is nothing wrong in it. What's the matter what it is just the melting. You see all that has been there, you know. It's like blocks of ice that are there on in our overall feeling of the heart. It's not graduate melting with the warmth of the Sun that is now appearing real within us. So it is a good sign doesn't matter. But then this good don't try to use speaking or anything. That doesn't mean that I don't say that well he weeps and he beats why can't I get that? You shouldn't do such things it comes.

[00:02:38] His own weight does come yeah. Now what happens is this?

[00:02:44] That all knew about it and all know those who no alibi and all that. So whenever kobali programs would be son. This is a music program and the wordings are such it's always a complaint from the lover to the Beloved of beloved's admonish into the lover and this and that is an extremely happy exchange. So it goes on here. This is known as Qawwali program. So every time bubble of Qawwali programs and he loved being taunted GC by the singers and this is what you do and you are cause supposed to be the ocean of love and we ask you just a little teaspoon full of love from that ocean and you are a miser you don't give us even a drop of it and just go back and forth saying goes on it's all this is this I just give you an example. There are many Sublime things also said in all that so invariably Alabama would get

[00:03:40] Emotionally what you call uncontrollable and then huge shout out loudly and you'd run to Baba and you'd kiss Bob and you'll get a scary shirt and this and that all this and the whole day's poiitician. Baba says, I can't even enjoy this little so

[00:04:01] Whenever car body program would be helped by the were born Alibi and all that sorted common thing you debate. Is it far away and all that now one day the rumor of it all is wonder what happened. There was a very good cow who was to be called and it happened at meribah the study hall is now the whole Hall was full with Bob invited because very famous Koval with had come at offered to sing to Baba and we had heard about them that they have got their got good quality of wordings. You see from different great Saints and sages. So they have put them into songs and they will say now so it was fine day and Baba liked it. Look forward to it mother told us that the on such a sad day. This will be good on this and he invited people from Bombay Pune and other places and all that effort.

[00:04:55] My ball is like to share the joy the atmosphere so he wouldn't forget his lovers. So he called them now Baba said one, very important thing you have to do is how to control this man another. Yeah. Otherwise what will happen if the whole thing would be spoiled again, the whole day will be spoiled like that. Nothing could be enjoyed. The entertainment is not there is that he wanted so

[00:05:23] Now the looked at one person's now you have BC he was a giant of a man. He was the son-in-law by do you know, but I don't know servitor. Yeah, so

[00:05:36] Fanny's, you know, dr. Freddie Foreman his relative Casey was a giant of a man is busy with you do one thing father calls him and says you do one thing for me for my sake you think I did I do anything for you catch hold of all over and sit there at the very end of the hall and winner is just people keep holding them. And whenever you try to move towards me just talking from them. So yeah all new Alibi and of course Baba is very happy about this is fine do that. They are all seated build. The whole Hall is filled with people and the world have started the song the warm-ups. It takes about an hour and a half for them to warm up and goes on for hours together. So after I have warmed up and all that and the whole thing's in a swing and the atmosphere is now beautiful the Lord himself is there.

[00:06:35] He's rocking his this and this and every now and then a lobotomy see wants to budget that fellow resident and Barbara is happy that he is controlling all the fine. And now what happened is that in the midst of our about two hours three hours two and a half hours passed by and all of a sudden this giant gets into the spirit.

[00:07:25] He wanted to rush to Baba is being dragged by an alibi is pulling him with his hands isn't stopping him. So that is his real Ayah. He control has become uncontrollable. The controller begin. The uncontrollable is how I know what Hawa Hawa means spiritual Breeze is he just getting off of it? Just like this. Let's Harbour.

[00:07:55] What about unique initiative? Huh? Yeah, that's a clinic static condition. Which year was this? Don't ask me. Why don't ask you were there 1955 I was there in the hall study hall the deck. Yeah, that's it. But then I remembered all of all of a sudden Mendez know but that was a different occasion. There was a prior occasion than and then later on. This happened. What? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah one day he broke Baba's little finger. Also, he jumped on little. Yeah this little finger worried.

[00:08:55] But if Bobby wants us always to contain ourselves, he says my grace is ever for you ready for you to be close like, uh none ask for unexpected it is there for you all to have it. But before you all crave for it long for it, you need to have the heat for it the thirst for it to go to go to the river to get the water. But how will you go you need a container? Otherwise it is wasted what is needed is that you should contain is this

[00:09:28] Are there is no use to you but then if you were contains river goes to you, then you will be washed away. So you should be like a rock but I'm not like a table steadfast here. We're talking this morning at the program Center about very early days as bubbles coming down. He seemed to be go through this jalali period where he was very busy. Uh, could you talk a little bit about that and what I was mild at the time but then this gives that picture that is there that gives you some some semblance of it the first one. Yeah, he was very wise very but very strong and all that. That's what they say those who were there at the time nor the books describe the state at that.

[00:10:27] I'm for him just to lift you by the Scruff of your neck will do nothing. He was not that strong or Big Easy but that he would do it. Yeah, he would get his different movie realization, huh before realization to learn afterwards my money Lovin Feelin today when he had the collection of the first group you see

[00:10:55] There were not as refined as Asia C. So you have to control the they needed these little things. Did you see the pictures of him in the 30s face and his eyes are totally different? Yeah. It's more like jamali or something.

[00:11:14] Then gradually jamali and then down from year by year after year. You see there's a gradual change in Syria.

[00:11:31] And there have been people who say that well one picture doesn't resemble the other.

[00:11:39] See that in movies in a matter of seconds is the state seems to change.

[00:11:51] Well, he's like a mirror.

[00:11:54] Whatever you see is your own mean we have a new photo about hmm. Where is that?

[00:12:07] It's a doctored one is not a porter. It's from a it's a single friend from nasik. 37 really the movie it is yeah.

[00:12:22] What haven't been touched up? Yes had to be retouched shoes. Totally disintegrated. Yes in Boston. Are this for you? All is for the ladies. I brought it.

[00:12:39] What is this microphone is Mom was coming through Italy by train and this most recent stock and then only your family members and our mothers to Century person. They are spending about their head off and Bob event and simply just to build.

[00:13:40] And pretty much pleased and then Baba came on left on bubba. Keep yourself and my purpose is served. They were looking for that only. I know and I don't remember don't you - I don't remember it is also in I mean either the early forties or the trouble with us is of public most of us not all of us is that we have not read any literature on bother.

[00:14:17] So there are the in the literature in the printed pages that you find are the experiences of varied people are there is and so unless and until we are there on the spot. We will be know nothing about it. It is in fact is to herself how to love to love me no space but we had no opportunity to go to an imitation Ababa is because he also did not encourage us to read anything because they're really sticky. There was no time for it opportunity nothing of that sort.

[00:15:03] Eric then you really haven't read the books. No, I haven't read the book. So I have a good be that the vision the version we get of Baba through books is quite different from what the Mandalay experienced. I was told this by somebody by by Audi Junior. Nikki's won't read the books either. I don't know but the thing is that we have not yet. I haven't read discourses. I haven't read be ferrars. I haven't read God speaks beans or anything of that sort. Yeah. I I didn't write it. I will because I just haven't described but I later on to sit down and read and enjoy there was no opportunity. Nothing. Listen Humanity people stock about it. The out are such good books. You see life at its best and all everything on the nothing although God man. Perfect master that give you early life. You don't know about Showers of Grace showers.

[00:16:01] Grace we have been hearing them. Yeah our constant companion. You heard all this from you here God speaks you end up? No, I haven't read it. No. No, I haven't you know, but he dictated so whatever I was described.

[00:16:24] There is one thing that you dictate something and a right that doesn't mean that I have read it. I write just as letters are written and all that saw things he dictated and we wrote the letters that's like that.

[00:16:48] There's a fine story about this vertical that comes to my mind about containing ourselves is Grace.

[00:16:55] Otherwise, it's no use.

[00:17:01] I want to hear this but it is time for your life. So the story leads us to of course has nothing to do with Barbara but Sababa story in a way just as you have songs and so know his father song, although it is not pop on Bob itself. So what it fits into our team of talk about the grace and all that.

[00:17:25] What happened was that there was a certain young man who had

[00:17:33] Tremendous urge

[00:17:36] To dedicate his life

[00:17:40] To go in search for the perfect master and dedicate his life.

[00:17:47] And what he felt was that by doing so naturally the end result would be that he would be doing good to the world apart from the community.

[00:18:00] He had that urge to do good to people T. We have some service to people that he could gain some powers and he'd be able to do good to those powers to them. So he goes out. He's a young man full of energy and enthusiasm and he wanders from place to place and all that in search of the perfect one to who's he can dedicate his life at last to cut the story short. He comes to a certain place.

[00:18:33] And there he comes to town and then he hears that so and so is a master was here. He goes to him. He has been to many places and he thought that well, let me try here. Also after having been to many places why not try here, he goes to him and he sits there and this is some other in his heart of heart. He feels that he has come to the right place.

[00:19:05] Initially, he being the master. He must be knowing my mind and my heart and my feelings and everything. He still sits in a corner. And then after a certain time, the master says well all dispersed for the day. So they go away again. The next day comes

[00:19:24] A month month and a half passes by

[00:19:28] And seems that the master has not even turned his face to look at him and interrogate him further. Who are you? Why have you come?

[00:19:36] If he is bit uneasy about it.

[00:19:42] Has he has he noticed me yet or not. So once done by Master orders the people to disperse when they have left he crawls to the master and says Master come to you. She's ho Who Are You When did you come? Yeah, I'm here for the past two and a half months.

[00:20:04] Oh you come here everyday Yes master.

[00:20:10] Brooke I'm happy, so well, he satisfied that at least his attention has been drawn now.

[00:20:17] He comes somehow or other in his heart. He feels that he is the one who can give him what he is in search of.

[00:20:27] They comes another six months passed by and nothing Master never took any notice of him. Neither. Does it take notice of anybody's so again, he has the ER she's genuine. He wants something so he comes again seeking his help Master. I'll be with you. Who are you but I'm here you remember you asked me some tumors four months ago. I'm sensible. Oh you come here every day every time you come here. So yes master I come here. I come here for it by you. I want your grace. Oh, why didn't you speak up? You want my grace, but I'm just here about

[00:21:18] So you want my grace then I must put you to test but if you can

[00:21:28] You can digest my keys hold my dreams contain messages, whatever you call it.

[00:21:34] This is unprepared for everything.

[00:21:38] I want to dedicate my life at your feet to be with you to live with you and I have been wandering all these years.

[00:21:47] I'm happy do one thing when you come here tomorrow remind me about it.

[00:21:53] Remind you I will remind you the person is this is all knowing it. She supposed to be all-knowing. He supposed to be the master of all hearts and Minds he comes the next day he against such there and we'll all have dispersed. And then again he draws attention I have come this is for who are you? I told me to remind you about what you told me to remind. I said that I want your great. Oh, yeah, right. This is big thing. You do want it you come tomorrow morning early morning before all accounts and I have to test you isn't I told you that this is Yes Yes master. This is all right then. So then the next morning he comes he's there early morning.

[00:22:48] So the where he comes there and the master says yes, what do you want Master? You called me for what? You said? You want to test me? Oh, yeah, that's right. He want my grace. Oh, I just want you to do one thing. We like to have a taste. Okay. Do one thing you know there is that City Gate there are get, you know, at the time early years you have the gates cities were locked. They'll still be walls and they receive different gates in different directions. So you go to the northern gate and be there.

[00:23:25] Did the time the gates are closed this evening and anything that happens to anything noticeable is just come and report to me in the evening. Whatever the time. It'd be you come and support me.

[00:23:42] Miss rip report to you. What?

[00:23:45] All the happenings, whatever that touches you whatever it come and report to me, whatever you feel like reporting.

[00:23:53] So, uh, unusual, whatever it is, not a he never said any unusual anything, whatever you were you feel what reporting report to me. So he goes there all melt into German older.

[00:24:07] And then what he seizes the donkey's pass by the camel Power by men go man. Come inside women go women inside this that the whole day passes by, you know through the gate inside the gate coming in towards the new town going out of the tongue all the humdrum daily life is there there's nothing worth reporting the whole days passed by like that. He's sitting and watching is there anybody he notices some persons notice this notice is that nothing unusual? It's all humdrum life is there and he said what to report to him. Now, there is nothing that has happened. All I see is just this so I'll Deport why he says that because he sees From A Distant the warden who comes with the key enough to lock the gates. He's coming you can see that

[00:25:01] Just got the time. He's you know, they're huge Gates. So she pulls the gates there he gets them together. So while he's doing that and about to wind it big chain round lock the gate all of a sudden there's an old man who's coming from distance day outside the gate he shouting and very looks he's so old doubly bent and topple for it. He has a pile of wood on his back here would be shouting at the warden says, please please wait for me. Don't shut the don't want to get our to just enter the city. I'll just come.

[00:25:40] How does just not taking any notice any locks just then the old man is there is a please allow me inside. You know, how come now. So why the hell did you come so late? Could you not come early don't you know that the gates are shut now. Why do you take such a long time? So I was in search of water in the soil just come and please take me in. I'm an old man. I can't bear the waiter and don't allow me to be here others are beaten up by the wild beasts and all that and he goes on pretty this man is noticing this drama that is being enacted and he says why can't you open the gate and get him inside an old man? He is so frail and old and ee bent over there and topic top got it all he has that burden of woods and I why can't you get inside and to his why he's feeling like that for that old man. What has happened? Is that all that he and but the man is abusing him the wardens get out from here and

[00:26:39] I know you always always do that and there's but please and he preached and he begs of him he bends and all that certain class. He opens the gate he unwinds the chain opened the lock on wines the chain and just shifts the door relegate a little and put his hand there enough for and picks up the whole burden of would you know little bundle that together and gets the Twigs inside is it dry Twigs there? This is God from here. Now that will serve the purpose now unburdened, you know, you I can't take you inside. I'm not supposed to take anybody inside. I just unburdened you of all this and he's bending double and says prostrating as his, please please I don't allow me to be here and all that nothing doing nothing. That's not give just lock the gate and went away the man sewing this man means the Aspire and of the truth you see is so infuriated.

[00:27:40] Such men in the world can't have any pity for an old man like that had I did had I the grace of the master.

[00:27:49] I could have he wants to just turn the whole world topsy-turvy, you know, there is because of the old man's and he comes back he of course return because the gates are closed now. He's returning to his master to report so then he returns there and all that. His feelings are all stood up. This is could not that man open the gate and allow the Mandarin sighs. But if I had the grace of the master, I would have had the power and I would have done so I would have knocked open the gates this and that he's all the time the mind is there so he comes to the master is here your comeback. She's your anything that you found to report. How did the day pass by the whole day passed by that humdrum Traders coming in three days going out goats and cats and but donkeys and camels and men just that whole day passed by like that nothing to report.

[00:28:47] Yeah, that is one thing that happened just at the time when the gates were locked. What is what's that to people? What's this? What what did he steal? So he reports the whole thing. So son then what happened? Is there anything to report?

[00:29:04] Here I felt like if I had the grace Your Grace I could have done wonders day. I could have allowed the man to come inside. The locks would have fallen you see the change would have broken the gates would have broken.

[00:29:21] I'm sorry, you're feeling depressed. Just why what happened? How could I failed in the test? What did I do? Well, I can only say that your friend in my test.

[00:29:34] No, but what did I do? What did I do? What can I tell you? You know that old man? Who is that man?

[00:29:44] It is the grace of the old man that I am what I am.

[00:29:49] It is because of him that old man is my master.

[00:29:54] And it is because of his grace I am what I am.

[00:29:58] Whatever the people may be thinking you have yet to learn how to contain the grave. He could have not only open the gates. He could have not only just blew a whiff of his breath on that man and killed him. He could have done anything. He's the man. He's that man who was petitioning and was begging of him and wanting him to open reading with him. He's the one his grace is what has made me

[00:30:34] Do you know what the meaning of this is now? You need to have a need to contain this way just a little flare up and he said that I would break this and you do this and you will destroy the world like that. What's them? So try to learn my boy try to learn to mold the container to contain the race.

[00:31:03] So we are always expecting him to help us out and his grace be upon us and all that but the issue could learn to contain it. I've been with his eyesight he hides from us and he can't hide from him. What is this?

[00:31:31] But it's also not fair that he has so much to give us we have nothing to give him some. Well we have to give him personally. Thank you. Imperfections body. Come on dispersed. No. Yes, when we dispersed that I didn't come back after lunch. Oh, you didn't come back after did I miss something good for you. Sorry.

[00:32:32] I'm sorry. Scary story of dead man. Tells no Tales. You heard that what's the name when you remove whatever is in school and colleges?

[00:32:56] But here we have been hearing the dead man.

[00:33:03] So we had two sisters today.

[00:33:24] How many people?

[00:33:34] I was just at the time but I didn't want the thing to be disturbed because people might misconstrue this whole thing Dolly here. I didn't scare but what happened was that is Baba didn't want us to devil.

[00:33:59] Was the very thing used by the dead person to bring the whole family to Barbara?

[00:34:08] So what I wanted all of y'all to know is what barber tells us. I want you to do things that I tell you to do, but I don't want you to do as I do. He may be using us. He may be using the dead to bring us to him, but he doesn't want us to Devil with the did. All right.

[00:34:41] Why didn't you because you're here?

[00:34:47] That is what I want to do, especially the ones.

[00:35:08] He wanted us to observe silence, especially in the late years in the early years the files David pass of unnoted reviva. So busy touring here there and all this 10th of July had no meaning at the time.

[00:35:27] But then you brought home class one day he passed around the circular saying that I would rather I would want you all to fast on that day or knobs or side. That's how it all together. And then in the late 60s, I think certainly to the circus saying that no matter what it is. I want you all to observe silence for 24 hours on 10, July.

[00:35:57] That's how it came about.

[00:35:59] So you for he had to observe silence, but then at that time about fast and so the options will do for passed in silence. So you asked us to observe silence. So we're going to be observing silence. Then when he had told all his followers all over the world to observe silence initially. We were observing silence two and one day he tells us on the silence day that the worst day for him is the day when we observe silence.

[00:36:36] And you have a great time the worst day for him to understand or to relate ourselves to him. It was very difficult soon. Naturally. We try to emulate his gestures and he didn't like that because we are so crude.

[00:37:02] Sometimes when we try to use the fingers, I still have that experience that they are now fingers there stubs comparison compared to his finger. That's true. So then what happened is that he done put permitted me to speak out.

[00:37:23] Are you seeing this gestures and all that but others would keep sad.

[00:37:30] And when he would leave the place that to me.

[00:37:34] Shut your trap come again. You asked me to speak.

[00:37:42] That's how it goes.

[00:37:48] That is not allowed us for what we are doing but if it happens doesn't matter he says why we are observing silence is not just to a new let him or his silence, but just perpetuate the memory that for so many years You observe silence. It is an honor. It's just an offering commas. What can you offer in return for the silence? But just to take upon ourselves that all here for one day if you how you must earn what we do at the time is this week. Just try to keep quiet and to be away or go to theaters and see pictures or have tape recorders around us to create noise. And so that we can you can feel that is the same.

[00:38:44] Nothing new in what area for play volleyball in silence yesterday. You did it you never admonish those blocks day that you shouldn't do it. What does residents not to play volleyball? Why not?

[00:39:04] Look what's done here is a Priestly see and yeah example, I was all done in silence. It's all diamonds on such an occasion of damn when you missed it. I do like you and me sit in the totem Center and all you hear. Is that all of a sudden?

[00:39:56] Among the people not long month-long when was on there was a period of forget dates. You see my weaknesses. I can't remember just before I forget even the p is a forget one month long the old month month old son duration.

[00:40:44] The talk to you now, even the years and the age of 21 days of the Bob has ordered this island 21 when we get to go out every way not to keep at home, but I was on holidays. That's one thing I was at home, but not to keep myself at home. Do I have pictures Goldman week your friend. I love you. He comes and tells me he's like, you're right. No, my wife would be by myself, but had to do take doing this twice. I spoken in the 21 days when my son came in from office and he isn't a habit of were saying can I come in so I will say hello Sam you're coming too. I just said I would require two and that's months and the second types of things.

[00:41:45] 321 days. I spoke face. It's pretty good. I wanted to have passed and keep watch for 21 days. I want to keep silence. I wanted to do this. I wanted to do that. I gave a full list of our out of that to give only design.

[00:42:19] Somebody was telling me.

[00:42:36] On the phone rang and rang at kidding from how your somebody calling from Ops center from the community and run a listen to it and it rang rang and finally she got the Jeep doesn't anybody ever answer the phone also, they followed with your silence on the other end.

[00:43:09] I turn on my answering machine on silence today.

[00:43:13] Give a message with a recorder. That is the silence big science vein called back tomorrow by proxy proxy.

[00:43:25] I can afford that slip of paper but the finding that we come across on silence days. There are certain first time some emergencies arise and the ones who bring the emergency views.

[00:43:42] And the first blood out and then we speak in silence music DJ seasonal and then they become silent totally and we say you speak out we write you speak and tell us they again that's sort of a spell is cast contagious. Yes.

[00:44:11] Like if you whisper to somebody

[00:44:18] I'm afraid to think it's okay to whisper us something you want some good silence, but he thinks if you just whisper, it's almost like Silence with his father.

[00:44:54] Numbers just imagine his silence how many years of his son and he was not Silent Hills all the time.

[00:45:08] Interacting reply you're getting everything was totally active but I noticed my son's usually is a very passive sighs if I withdraw, you know, I know I'm gonna close it.

[00:45:27] I wonder whether if he were to ski, would you have been selected?

[00:45:36] It's like when you see deaf people who use sign language, they are so alive so full of expression. Sometimes I think of Bob in the last, you know, you say how much he suffered in the last year and in to make any motion, but just to speak he had to move. So yeah, he must have been must have been terrible for him. Yeah, you continue to the last the last 15 minutes. I know that

[00:46:07] But it's not just the fingers when I say that his silence was very eloquent. The whole thing was

[00:46:17] What you call in motion including his eyebrows were expression system. Yeah, the accessories of your hands are expression system of the body. Not just the boy. No, no no more expressive and I don't know how you could get the right expression. You see through is gestures. And so

[00:46:40] So vivid did it that one could understand. You know that story about a stranger and how it come for the first time.

[00:46:49] Some now culture in pop culture a couple of years passed by and then Baba's take took him out for much too long also with us. So here we are done in car and it was after noontime and Baba said let us talk.

[00:47:08] 40 there was a small tea stall or some Mountaintop somewhere the rickety thing.

[00:47:15] So I was driving. I stopped the car parked it somewhere and under the shade of a tree and then I went inside that little

[00:47:23] Shaq that was there called the tea stall to wash the cups here. They're like dirty people Bob at least we have to be very careful. So I would go there and try to wash the cup and saucer and then put as well see that the cattle is properly clean and all that because they never wash the Caterpillar engine for boiling water and all that water. Is this sort of water? Otherwise, they use the same water that we are you wash our cups and saucers. They'll boil the water is indeed. It is a pancetta. So we are two particular side when they're in protecting power bottom.

[00:48:00] How was the opening of the door of the shed in the car with his legs? He told auction front seat bare legs dangling and then he was handed over the cup of tea.

[00:48:15] And he poured it in the saucer. He would never drink from the cup.

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