Nurse Adele Wolkin

Adele following Meher Baba's Instruction to fulfilling the Nurse's duty.

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Adele along with Meher Baba
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Adele with Meher Baba, Myrtle Beach.

On the Subject of Fault Finding, Backbiting, and “Telling It Like It Is”

by Adele Wolkin

Meher Baba has said that "Words that proceed from the Source of Truth have real meaning. But when men speak these words as their own, the words become meaningless. The words, the teaching, the awakening we need above all to reap from the universal harvest of His wisdom pertain to How To Love Him. The Protector of All, Meher Baba, dispenses the one and only panacea that can remedy the human predicament that erects obstacles to love. Love for God is the only remedy and He has shown us and told us in infinite ways how to love Him. Why must there be a "human predicament" - and why is it so persistent when the Protector of all has provided us with all the antidotes, remedies, and strategies to overcome it?

The Avatar's work and teaching has always been to awaken us to our birthright which He described as a state of joy and fulfillment. Yet, there are hurdles that prevent the soul in human form from realizing its birthright. "The expression of the divine life ... is distorted by the sanskaras, which weld consciousness instead to the false phenomenal." Love is the only remedy ... and Grace alone leads to this Love.

Our object is to love God more and more and still yet more; then how do we act? The Compassionate Awakener has given us the "Dissertation on Love" as a guide: "To give and never to ask." "Wishing well for others at the cost of one's self." "Never backbiting." "Tolerance supreme." "Trying not worry." "Thinking more of the good points in others and less of their bad points."

F.H. Dadachanji included in his "Notes From My Diary", in 1939, a most outstanding quote from a discourse that Baba was giving that described the enemies to grace and love: "Of the three most important things to be eliminated before attaining God realization: greed, lust, and ninda, the last, meaning 'backbiting', is the worst and most disastrous. One can overcome greed, or even lust, though both of these are very hard to get over; but the worst and the most difficult of all to eliminate is this habit of ninda. Speaking ill and trying to find faults or flaws of others, because this particular act or vice incurs the burden of sins, or what are technically termed sanskaras of others, which are spiritually very derogatory and reactionary."

"The habit of criticizing our fellow-beings is a bad one. At the back of it often lie self-righteousness, conceit, and a false sense of superiority. Sometimes it indicates envy or a desire for retaliation. Those who criticize should first look to themselves. They will find greater faults within themselves than in others.

"You can counteract a disease only by its antidote. Love is the antidote to hatred. When you feel like hating a man try to remind yourself that he is a form of your own Self."

"For real spiritual service the disciple has to be prepared for all eventualities ... When met with aggression he should be like the football that is kicked, for the very kicking raises it aloft and propels it onward till the goal is reached ... True humility is strength, not weakness. It disarms antagonism and ultimately conquers it."

"To love God in the most practical way is to love our fellow beings. If we feel for others in the same way as we feel for our own dear ones we love God. "If instead of seeing faults in others we look within ourselves, we are loving God.” Neither despise any being, nor look with contempt on others; but attempt, if you can, to give all a helping hand; for Oneness is the secret, and the journey is towards the same goal."

Sincere self-examination is integral to honesty. "God is infinite honesty. To love God you must be honest. When hypocrisy comes into play it works much greater havoc within one's own psyche than in the outer sphere. The perceptible damage in the outer sphere is great, but the unperceived damage in the spiritual realm is stupendous."

In further review of some of the things Meher Baba said about backbiting, Kitty Davy quotes him as follows in Love Alone Prevails: "Don't criticize. The habit of criticizing our fellow-being is a bad one. At the back of it often lies self-righteousness, conceit, a false sense of superiority. Sometimes it indicates envy or a desire for retaliation" In the Prayer of Repentance, Baba cautions us in many ways against backbiting: "We repent, 0 God most merciful, for all our sins ... for every thought that was false, or unjust, or unclean .. .for every word spoken that ought not to have been spoken ... for all slander and backbiting .. .for every action that has brought ruin to others .. .for every word and deed that has given others pain, and for every wish that pain should befall others.”

And yet, in the same section of Love Alone Prevails referred to above, Kitty provides the following account of a meeting among the Western women at Baba's Nasik ashram: "Norina brought up the question of food--how to cater to all and still be economical. Baba Himself took up the subject, and each was asked to give his or her opinion on the subject of food and menus. Once and for all Baba wanted these points clear. He said: 'You all have promised to try your best to die, so let us begin with food. Let us have no more clashes. Let Norina go on giving the same as before. As all say, you, Norina, manage wonderfully well but what you tack is gentleness. You are much too blunt. And for the role of Mother you ought to be more gentle. Be one without duality. Be gentle and listen to all suggestions. If you can fall in with them, good, if not, kiss and say no, gently. This is tact. It hurts if you are too frank sometimes. And this I do not want. So all begin to try now, or seriously I will tell you all to go. Real harmony, love and peace-not forced. Don't keep the door closed [pointing to the heart]. Keep it open so that when I want I can enter. Every time I intend entering I find a closed door-all because of useless wants.'

From the above account it is clear that Norina's fellow ashramites were speaking very frankly about aspects of her personality which they found lacking - they were "telling it as it is". To say that they were criticizing her would fall within the accepted use of the word. Yet this meeting was instigated and orchestrated by Baba, who in the same meeting gave the previously quoted instructions "Don't criticize."

What then, is the course we should follow? I think from this example, and from the story of the discussion at the Nasik ashram, and by our "common sense" and intuition we may infer then that sometimes it is necessary to relate certain facts about another person, which may be critical in nature, either for the good of others, or for their own good. When doing so, we must, however, examine our own motivations very carefully, to make sure that our remarks or actions do not spring from "self-righteousness, conceit, a false sense of superiority ... envy, or a desire for retaliation." There must be no wish that pain should befall the object of our criticism, and every wish not to bring pain to that person, insofar as it can be avoided.

Baba, also warned during the same discussion at Nasik: "Do not get angry, but be pleased with he who backbites you, for he thereby renders service to you by diminishing the load of your sanskaras; and also pity him for thereby he makes his load of sanskaras more burdensome."

At the same meeting at Nasik, Baba said, according· to the account in Love Alone Prevails, "Petty things take up all your energy, thoughts, and time. So no more of that. Love and forget. This is the only thing that matters. Love, always try to love. You don't like Norina being blunt.love her all the more. She needs it. If she finds you weak in your wants, then she too must love you -you need it." "If a mother found her child sick or weak, she would fondle it more, love it more. By weak, I mean taken up with desires. Anger is weakness, pride is weakness, and so on. So all try. As Kaka says, 'No discuss, just try."'

Baba also told us, "We are all One and irritations are only surface ones - they cannot affect the love we have for each other deep down